The Sinking in Gitters...

This weekend I frantically ran around like a chicken with its head cut off! My goal for the weekend was to finish my support letter and get them out. I finished them, I just need to stuff and send now. But I can't help but feel like I was just home on break from college. The feelings swimming around inside of me are similar to those I experienced after a summer home from the University of North Dakota, where I'm struggling to fit everyone in to my already busy schedule, trying to patch relationships that have stretched and torn a little, and trying to sew securely the relationships that I'm currently in. Those who know me well, know that I don't lose contact with anyone...even if its been more than 6months, I'll still shoot an e-mail or drop a phone call.

I'm 7 weeks out from my projected take off date. I have no new news from PDA, on whether all my paperwork went through smoothly or not, but I'm not worried about that, I'm worried that PDA isn't going to get back to me quickly. Here I am, after waiting 9 months to hear from them in the first place, after my initial application, and now that I've given them the thumbs up, I'm coming, I am scared that they are going to get back to me the first week of March, not in the next week or so. I haven't bought my plane ticket yet, I don't know which day they want me or what day someone can pick me up from the airport. I feel as though my fears are very much justified, but I can't help but doubt. A quote from Pastor Randy, "Doubt is the ants in the pants of faith." And it is true. With these feeling swirling around, I can't help but want to take control of the situation and make some executive decisions...but that isn't my place right now. I find myself avoiding home a little bit more to not have to answer any questions with "I don't know" and just to not have as much interruption to the things I'm trying to get done. I'm sure my parents feel like I'm starting to push them away, but I'm trying not to. There is just so much to get done and people to see, and things I want to do with my friends before I leave. And if I learned any lessons from the summers between college, there is always someone who gets left out.

I fear that I'm not going to get to see my friend who lives on the eastern side of the state because the passes won't be passable, and neither one of us will get across. I don't think it will inhibit our relationship at all, but it is a luxury that I would like to take advantage of. I can already feel a couple of friends pushing away to avoid the good bye. I think the hardest part, is I feel as though I'm not just called to New Orleans for the three months, I really feel called on a longer basis, what that calling means, I don't know, that is a bridge I will cross when it is build sturdy and strong, and I've stumbled upon it.

So I guess I'm using this as my apology for those who get missed in the craziness of preparing to leave. I will do my best, but I'm to the point of prioritizing, and I hate to do it, but know that where ever I am living throughout the world, I always have an open door policy for friends.